I hate you, I love you
This back and forth emotion
This up and down feeling
This stop and start life
Breathing in and breathing out
Getting up and falling down
Hiding while crying
Living while dying
Believing in nothing
Questions in the night
My soul in shadow
No one in sight
Bitterness screaming
Hopeful dreaming
Lost and alone
No place called home
Hating you, Loving you
Saving, then losing you
Finally free
Saving me
Learning to breathe..
Living life with an alcoholic changes everything. The things you see, how you see
them... who you share them with. It was about three or four years into living
with my mother in her state that I actually began to look around me and see for
myself, the life I had created. That there was absolutely no one in it aside from
her.
When I first began this website in 2008, I was still in the thick of it. I was still in
the business of rescuing her. It had become my life's work. I was horribly alone
and it was all on my own account. During those years, I hadn't allowed a single
soul in. I hadn't shared with even one friend.. the fact was, I had no friend to
share it with because when life becomes about an alcoholic, there is no room for
anyone else.
Today, I find myself on the road to healing. I realize and accept now, the long
road that will be. Sometimes the only person looking out for you, is you.. and
you have to save yourself, remove yourself from that situation.
I still see her sometimes and it's in those moments, that the memories and the
hurts come rushing back. The physical fights-- slaps, hits, shoves, hair being
pulled out of my head, the breaking glass, the cutting cruel words telling me
that I'm not good enough, not doing enough-- for her.
There are so many resources out there for those of us who feel that we are so
alone, to know that we are not-- al-anon, counseling. Admitting that we need
help can be the most difficult step. I hope that my website might also be a
resource for some to find encouragement and healing.
So much of myself has been poured into this site. Although, the original intent of
A Child Lost was for it to be geared towards children of alcoholics, I've now felt
the inner push to open it up to discuss so much more of what affects so many
young women today. There are no judgements here. Only a listening ear, a
shoulder to cry on, and a friend to help build you up again because there truly
are strength in numbers.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived
through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do
the things you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Thank You for visiting!
~ Lacy Lynnette
-My Story-
My Blog: Without the Rain
This back and forth emotion
This up and down feeling
This stop and start life
Breathing in and breathing out
Getting up and falling down
Hiding while crying
Living while dying
Believing in nothing
Questions in the night
My soul in shadow
No one in sight
Bitterness screaming
Hopeful dreaming
Lost and alone
No place called home
Hating you, Loving you
Saving, then losing you
Finally free
Saving me
Learning to breathe..
Living life with an alcoholic changes everything. The things you see, how you see
them... who you share them with. It was about three or four years into living
with my mother in her state that I actually began to look around me and see for
myself, the life I had created. That there was absolutely no one in it aside from
her.
When I first began this website in 2008, I was still in the thick of it. I was still in
the business of rescuing her. It had become my life's work. I was horribly alone
and it was all on my own account. During those years, I hadn't allowed a single
soul in. I hadn't shared with even one friend.. the fact was, I had no friend to
share it with because when life becomes about an alcoholic, there is no room for
anyone else.
Today, I find myself on the road to healing. I realize and accept now, the long
road that will be. Sometimes the only person looking out for you, is you.. and
you have to save yourself, remove yourself from that situation.
I still see her sometimes and it's in those moments, that the memories and the
hurts come rushing back. The physical fights-- slaps, hits, shoves, hair being
pulled out of my head, the breaking glass, the cutting cruel words telling me
that I'm not good enough, not doing enough-- for her.
There are so many resources out there for those of us who feel that we are so
alone, to know that we are not-- al-anon, counseling. Admitting that we need
help can be the most difficult step. I hope that my website might also be a
resource for some to find encouragement and healing.
So much of myself has been poured into this site. Although, the original intent of
A Child Lost was for it to be geared towards children of alcoholics, I've now felt
the inner push to open it up to discuss so much more of what affects so many
young women today. There are no judgements here. Only a listening ear, a
shoulder to cry on, and a friend to help build you up again because there truly
are strength in numbers.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived
through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do
the things you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Thank You for visiting!
~ Lacy Lynnette
-My Story-
My Blog: Without the Rain
About Me...